First Date Drama

He's plucked up the courage to ask you out... finally... and now comes the dilemma of a First Date. Where to go? The only advice I can give you is don't go to the movies... just don't.

Going to see a film as your first date is probably one of the worst ideas in what will surely be a short relationship. I know that some of you wise women of the world are quietly nodding your heads as you read this and murmuring 'The movies, no chance to talk and get to know one another' or 'What a waste of several hours as you both stare front and centre'. While these are pretty valid reasons to not like visiting the picture house as first date territory they are not mine.

Just visualise everything for a moment... you're going to play the female lead in this particular production (apologies to my male readers, consider it just role play). You've fretted about what to wear, how to do your hair, how much perfume is too much, should you wear heels.. the usual. You've decided that jeans are casual but that your new top and shoes give it an 'edge'. Your hair is loose so that he can see how carefree you are. You're not wearing any rings so that he can hold your hand with ease. Ditto with forgoing lipstick - you want the end of date night kiss to be perfect and smudge free. You've let him pick the movie and agreed to share your popcorn. You still have butterflies in your tummy over the fact that you are actually on a date with this gorgeous man beside you.

And then the drama starts...

You find your seats in the darkened theatre, get comfortable, prop the oversized tub of popcorn between you and open the bag of Malteasers now so that you don't ruin a quiet moment in the movie with the rustling of sweet wrappers. You become incredibly aware that your date is actually sitting beside you. His hand is on the armrest. 

Should you reach out and hold his hand? 

Oh... He moved his hand... Maybe he doesn't want to hold hands... Wait he's moving his hand back... Does this mean he wants to hold my hand?... No wait he's just getting some popcorn... 

Should I try that corny trick of brushing off his hand as I reach for some popcorn at the exact same moment?... Dammit, too late. He's moved his hand away again... He's moving in his seat... Will he put his arm around me?... 

Oh Ryan Reynolds is so cute... I loved him in The Proposal... Should I make the first move in the hand holding situation?... I'm a modern woman, I can hold a man's hand first... His hands are in his lap now... I can't just reach into his lap... He'll think I'm only after one thing... 

God, why are my palms so sweaty?... Maybe I'll wait a few minutes and then hold his hand... Hold on! Why hasn't he tried to hold my hand?... 

This scenario has a shelf life that equals the length of the movie that you're watching. It's times like these that make a 2-3 hour epic movie a disaster to watch. Well... along with the fact that at some stage you're gonna have to miss some of the film because you really wanted to get the extra large coke and drank most of it before the trailers were over. 

The minefield of physical contact within the First Date territory is tough enough to deal with in a well lit room where you can see your opponent clearly. Throw in dimmed lighting, blinding special effects, a very expensive soundtrack and the fact that you have to constantly flick your eyes from the screen to him in case you miss his body language cues and you have an exhausting first date.       

Just not my cup of tea. Not at all.

Give me conversation, coffee and cake... any time. It just works... well as long as he likes conversation, coffee and cake too. I'd even settle for tea, toast and banter if he was cute enough, and had a pot of strawberry jam.

How about you? What tips can you offer for a first date idea? Have you ever gone on a disastrous first date? What happened?  

Sunday Cuddle

I was listening to the radio in the car this evening and the presenter passed as simple comment that she felt that Sundays were a more 'loved up' day than any other day of the week. That couples were more cuddly, and snuggly, and vocal about their love for each other on Sundays. That she always has more love related requests to read out on Sundays. 


Personally, as my current single self, I don't remember Sundays to be such a loved up concept when I was part of a couple. I found that they stretched in front of me looking for an event to fill the day, and I always felt that if I just stayed at home and curled up on the couch with a box set, a blanket and my man that I was missing out on something wonderful that could have been happening outside. 

How do you feel about Sundays? Are they time for a little love-fest between you and your partner, or do you like to get out and about? Let me know.    

Make Or Break It

What are your deal makers, or indeed your deal breakers, when it comes to a relationship? What are the things that instantly let you know that you could never date this guy? And is there anything that a guy does that makes you attracted to him regardless of the rest of his perceived flaws?

For me the deal breakers are the easy ones to define...


if he has bad teeth or poor breath
if he is unkind to animals
if he disrespects his immediate family
if he suffers from an addiction
if he is stingy with money


These traits in a guy would make me wary about dating him in the long term. Some are a little selfish but I do not apologise for having them on my list. Unkindness to a helpless animal, to me, shows a possibility of being a poor father. I have enough trouble keeping my own life straight and I really don't have the mental or emotional ability to rehabilitate a recovering addict. A persons teeth always let me know how well they take care of themselves. I'm not dissing crooked teeth - my own aren't the straightest - but they have to clean and taken care of. I don't need a guy to spend a ton of money on me, and I definitely don't look to date rich guys but a man who insists on going 'dutch' for every date and imposes a budget on Christmas presents just screams 'tightwad' to me.

The deal maker is a much harder one to pin point. I ran through a number of different deal makers in my head but each of them were only applicable in some instances. 


For me... I have to be the most important thing in my man's life. I have to be a princess in his eyes. Importance is something that isn't immediately apparent when you start dating a guy. It's something that is realised over a period of time through words and gestures. He also has to have an amazing smile and smell great. A great natural smell is really important to me.


How this can be turned into a single deal maker.... beyond my knowledge. 

What are your deal breakers and makers? What turns off a guy instantly? And what wins your heart? 

Guest Post - My Chica

source

I have a treat for all my readers today. I have secured myself a guest blogger to add words of wisdom and despair to all things relationship like. Please be gentle, this is her first post. Please welcome My Chica to Magatha May. 

Well...

so...

We were at a party and I barely noticed him, cause I noticed someone else. So... I was chatting to him at some stage during the night and thought he was pretty funny, but when we left the house I didn’t think much more about it. Magatha pointed out to me that a photo of me from the party was ‘liked’ on FB and I was, of course, very flattered. So I did a little FB stalking to see what this guy was up to. Chatted a little, flirted a little, reckoned that a little text flirting was in order so I gave him my number.

And now I’m glued to my damn phone. WTF! How the hell did this happen? When did I turn into this person? I openly scorn people like this. 

So... I like to say ‘so’ a lot, it gives me time to think... We met for coffee, I thought he was nice, I liked him, he’s a pretty funny guy but I wasn’t at all obsessed. But then the text flirting happened and I kind of liked that, a lot. I thought that this might even go somewhere, somewhere nice. So obviously he stopped texting and has fallen off the face of the world. So obviously I now like him even more than when he was around... cause of the whole chase thing that us young people love to do. It makes a guy all intriguing and all that other mysterious stuff. Except that it doesn’t cause now I’m all stalkerish and bothered and it would be much more intriguing if the guy actually text me back again. I’m sick of inventing excuses for why he didn’t text... lost his phone, got snowed in and has no reception, fed his phone to the dog, you get the idea.

I still don’t like being this kind of person but I can’t help it. I hate being the person who likes a guy and doesn’t want to like him but can’t help it. 

Can you help me? Any ideas?