Make Or Break It

What are your deal makers, or indeed your deal breakers, when it comes to a relationship? What are the things that instantly let you know that you could never date this guy? And is there anything that a guy does that makes you attracted to him regardless of the rest of his perceived flaws?

For me the deal breakers are the easy ones to define...


if he has bad teeth or poor breath
if he is unkind to animals
if he disrespects his immediate family
if he suffers from an addiction
if he is stingy with money


These traits in a guy would make me wary about dating him in the long term. Some are a little selfish but I do not apologise for having them on my list. Unkindness to a helpless animal, to me, shows a possibility of being a poor father. I have enough trouble keeping my own life straight and I really don't have the mental or emotional ability to rehabilitate a recovering addict. A persons teeth always let me know how well they take care of themselves. I'm not dissing crooked teeth - my own aren't the straightest - but they have to clean and taken care of. I don't need a guy to spend a ton of money on me, and I definitely don't look to date rich guys but a man who insists on going 'dutch' for every date and imposes a budget on Christmas presents just screams 'tightwad' to me.

The deal maker is a much harder one to pin point. I ran through a number of different deal makers in my head but each of them were only applicable in some instances. 


For me... I have to be the most important thing in my man's life. I have to be a princess in his eyes. Importance is something that isn't immediately apparent when you start dating a guy. It's something that is realised over a period of time through words and gestures. He also has to have an amazing smile and smell great. A great natural smell is really important to me.


How this can be turned into a single deal maker.... beyond my knowledge. 

What are your deal breakers and makers? What turns off a guy instantly? And what wins your heart? 

Have You Ever...?

Learned a hard lesson...Part 1.

Some things just stick with you. Comments, thoughts or memories that just never leave your head. I have several of these rolling around my mind constantly but I'm going to tell you about one of them today.

I graduated as a product designer but in order for me to get a place in the course I needed to have a portfolio so I started off doing a PLC in portfolio design. Well really I started off doing applied chemistry in Cork after my Leaving Cert but after the cert stage I decided that science wasn't for me. That is a much longer story to tell and isn't for today. Which led me back to design.

At this stage my secondary school art teacher was running the local portfolio course so I contacted her and got a place on the course. I enjoyed the course, I loved that I already knew my lecturer and I didn't really love the fact that the rest of the class had an average age of 18 and I was already 21. I was worldly, I had lived away from home, I had been to college, I had a car, I had stories that could rival, and beat, anyone on the course. I was cocky. And arrogant And more than a little obnoxious. I thought I was great.

 

About half way through the course we were told that we had a project which was to be based on the local museum display, we were to put on a fashion show which was to be inspired by a section of the permanent exhibition. My section was Stone and Ironage Tools. Not a bad section. And I set to work, sketching the exhibition, detailing the tools, putting together inspiration boards for my 'Collar and Cuffs' theme. I was so proud of my work, so sure of it, so I took it to our lecturer to receive my praise. 

She glanced quickly at my work as she was already working with another student and she screamed when she saw it. Actually recoiled in horror from my pages and yelled at me to 'take that Brain Vomit as far away from me as you can'. I was crushed, devastated, and in shock. The entire class had heard and watched my rebuff. My fall from self given grace. I think I even ran to the bathroom and cried at the time. But she was right. Completely and utterly correct. It was sloppy work. I had taken all my thoughts and threw them down onto a page with no consideration of form or presentation. Her description was 100% accurate, I had spewed my thoughts out and expected everyone to be thankful for my work.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Humility. I learned that no one was going to reward me for just being there and producing any old thing. I learned that design wasn't just about regurgitation of ideas. I learned a swift and powerful lesson on presentation and effective communication of ideas. 

And to this day I still thank that lecturer for what she taught me. Her method may have been cruel but it was one of the most effective methods I have ever encountered.

What thoughts have stuck with you? How have they affected your life?

Part 2 to follow... 

Monday Morning Messages

Just a few quick Monday morning messages for you that I picked up over the weekend.

1. Smile more - it's contagious 

2. Keep something sentimental near you all of the time

3. Enjoy each bite of cake - don't wolf it down to get the guilt over with more quickly

4. If your feet hurt it's time to sit down

5. Sometimes getting caught in the rain without an umbrella isn't the end of the world 

Things I Have Learned

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1. Milk is not good for you

2. The size on the waistband of your jeans means nothing as long as you are healthy

3. Dancing is good for you at any time

4. If you want to get attention and be noticed carry a puppy in your arms

5. Sometimes it can be too late to say sorry

6. Cookies are not a dinner

7. No man is worth feeling foolish over

8. Always carry an umbrella in your bag

9. Sweat a little every day

10. There is very little that a friend, a hug and a cup of tea can't fix

11. Everything looks better with fairy lights

12. Get enough sleep

'A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow' - Charlotte Brontë

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A few months ago I told you all about how I learned to sleep alone again when a five year relationship ended. It was strange and liberating to have a whole bed to myself again and I loved it. But then S moved out and I moved into her room - cause I really wanted the electric shower - and I found myself back on one side of the bed again.

How did that happen? I don't have another significant other, I'm not looking to make space for one in my life right now, so how the hell did I end up drifting back out to the edge of the mattress. I woke up one morning last week after another night of edge hugging and asked myself what was going on? And then I realised.... when I had made up my new bed I had automatically put the pillows into two piles at the head of the bed, and therefore I had automatically slept on one pile of them... on one side of the bed.

That evening I stripped the bed and as I remade it I carefully put just one huge pile of pillows at the top... and it worked. I was back in the middle of my bed.

Have you ever found that you do things out of habit that impact of the rest of your day?

Learning To Sleep In The Middle Of The Bed

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Right so... I've been single for about 4 months now and some aspects of the single life are fantastic and some are a little lackluster.

I can't say that I miss having to try and co-ordinate our schedules in order to spend some time together, shaving my legs regularly, and cooking for Mr T. I do miss having someone to talk to, having someone who 'gets' me and I really miss hearing a familiar voice on the other end of the phone. BUT... the most difficult part of being single for me is as follows...

... learning to sleep in the middle of the bed.

When I came to Limerick, before I met Mr T, I decided to stick with student accommodation for my first year in UL - hello single bed - and out of laziness I spent my second year in the same student village. I started seeing Mr T in November of that first year and he also had a very single bed in his accommodation. So we learned to snuggle - and I learned to sleep on my side, with my tummy held in, in fear of falling out of the bed if I dared to turn over in my sleep. In my third year I finally found the holy grail - a room with a double bed! I reveled in the new found space, I had a whole side of a bed to myself - and four months later I was back in a single bed - crap! In fact my next encounter with a double bed wasn't until I graduated and moved in with Mr T in Galway and I've never looked back since (I choose to just ignore the 3 months I spent in a box room in 'cardboard city' on starting the postgrad, it didn't really exist).

Even thought Mr T and I dated over distance for most of our relationship I still always slept on one side of the bed, I never had a fondness for one side over the other but I would always make sure to keep within my allocated space, two piles of pillows letting me know of the imaginary dividing line in the bed. Even when we broke up I still slept on my side of the bed for a few weeks.

One of the most definitive moments of being a single woman was when I realised that the whole bed was now mine. I got some new, very feminine, bed clothes, remade my bed and put all of the pillows into one pile at the head of the bed. I spent the entire day looking forward to going to sleep, having a ocean of bed all to me, being able to stretch out my legs without feeling like I was taking someones space.

I didn't sleep that night - I just felt strange. I felt a little lost in my bed, like I almost didn't recognise the space around me. Over the past few weeks I have slowly gotten used to having an entire bed to myself, and I now love the feeling of stretching out and not touching the edge of the mattress. I feel like a princess, with my own special, selfish place to hide away! My bed is now mine and for me alone, I don't want to share it at all.

What was the one moment that you realised that you were single, and how did you deal with it? Let me know readers.

Catch Up Time

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Oh it's good to be home!

Turkey was amazing, the weather was great, the beach was lovely, the food was yum, the company was wonderful. I might just have to go back. But now it's time to get back to the normal, real world again. The next few weeks are hectic but in a good way.

• Mr T is graduating tomorrow. I can't wait to see him collect his M.Tech parchment. He worked so so hard for his qualifications and tomorrow is just a wonderful closing ceremony to it all.

• My bestest friend from home, Lin, is heading off to Oz for her sister-in-laws wedding next week and I haven't seen her in about 2 months so we're hopefully spending Saturday bumming around together before she heads away.

• Electric Picnic is coming up in 2 weeks. My first time at a festival and I feel like a complete greenhorn. Can't wait though.

• I have 8 hours of 'Design for Sustainability' tutorials to teach this semester and thankfully it's something that I already understand and can hopefully teach without too much extra work on my part. It all starts in about 2 weeks.

All wonderfully busy fun filled stuff to keep me entertained for the next few weeks.

What have you coming up in your life in the next fortnight?

Summer Camp

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Yea! I've been asked to be part of the Introduction to University Programme here in UL for the next few weeks. I get to run the Engineering 2 Design Engineering Workshop, which is a basic introduction to 3D computer modelling using Solidworks.

I'm so excited to be doing something with kids this summer and if it goes well there is a chance that I could be asked to do the Explore Science & Engineering Camp.

I'm a little apprehensive though... I know how to hold the attention of a bunch of college students but 15 year olds are a whole different ball game. What if I'm boring and lame and crap? Does anyone have any hints for me for working with teenagers? Any hints at all?

Do I Dare To Learn?

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I have to run off to a training seminar on 'How to Design Questionnaires'.

I really do not understand how this will take from 9.30 until 4.30 - 7 hours! - but I will learn whatever they want to teach me. Talk to you all soon.

I send you lots and lots of Monday hugs and kisses. I missed you all over the weekend.